Jasper’s vision blurred, wavering due to the pulse of energy emanating from his Auroun companion. Several blinks later, he slapped an open palm against her bare thigh.
“Yo! I’m not gonna be able to drive if you keep doing that shit. You need to sober the fuck up.”
Phae’s lids eased open as she wiped the side of her mouth. “It’s not so bad,” she mumbled weakly, the corners of her lips tilting upward. “Y’know you’re like my babysitter or something.”
The pilot eased back and shrugged, his attention on the road ahead. Something about this situation had his nerves frayed. First was Phae, then was the party. By now, he was running on empty and every small instance of bullshit was just another irritant he was forced to ignore. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. Slow season, fewer customers. He just felt… used? Possibly used. No, no. Something else.
Jealous.
Just a tad.
“I didn’t even drink that much,” Phae joked, lips splitting into a ridiculous grin. It reminded him of the years they spent in classes together, when she wasn’t cute and he was twice as reserved as he currently was. Scratch that. She WAS cute then too but he didn’t tell her as much. They were friends. It was innocent. Now, a decade later, he saw her in all the ways every other guy in the vicinity did and he was embarrassed to admit how much he envied all her past conquests.
His silence was due in part to how stupid he risked sounding. If he scolded her, she would get upset. If he didn’t speak, she’d get suspicious and accuse him of being angry. In the space between her senseless rambling, he had offered small nods and simple ‘yep’ responses. Now, thanks to the length of the trip, Phae was getting closer to cognizance and with it, closer to calling Jasper out for all those empty responses.
“So…” He shifted a bit as they rounded a dark corner, the road lit by headlights alone. “You said something a few days ago. Douzoida? What about it? You didn’t get to the point of what you were saying.”
“Oh.” Phae’s lashes fluttered lightly over her cheeks, clumped with long ago smeared mascara. “A job. I got offered an apprenticeship. It’s uh…” Her left hand rose, weaving through the air in circular fits. “A contract position. I go and shadow a mechanic for the Legion and if all goes well, I can finish my certification. No more hustling bit gigs.” Shooting a glance toward Jasper, she added gently, “No more being too broke to get a lift from Arc transit.”
Again, Jasper said nothing. He just nodded. Again and again and again until he hated himself.
“Have you figured out what you wanna do with your pilot’s license?” Phae dragged herself from the slumped position she previously took and reclined as far back as the seat permitted. “I know with all the testing they put you through, you’ve gotta be thankful to be done. A little rest goes a long way.”
“Yeah.”
“And if I’m being super honest, I’m tired of freaking my mom out. Tonight is probably the last time she’ll scold me about coming home trashed. It’s weird to think about.”
“Yeah.”
“Jas, you okay?” The pulsing had stopped, but the sheer magnetism of their closeness had Jasper on edge. She looked concerned and if she pried even slightly, he would have to say something to avoid blowing her off.
“Just exhausted,” he attempted a smile to make it seem more convincing. “I didn’t drink but I feel like I’ve been up for days.”
“Yeah?”
Tugging down her sleeves, the oversized jacket she wore swallowed her upper body. In the middle of the night with no lights to hinder her glow, she looked hauntingly beautiful. Jasper didn’t know much about ghosts, but he knew a half Auroun like Phae could easily pass for one under the right circumstances. At the moment, he was only half aware of the road but entirely conscious when it came to all things Phae. No matter what she did, it seemed interesting. Intriguing. Sort of taboo.
Without realizing it, he frowned.
“If you want, you can crash at my place. You know my mom loves having you around. Like, even if I’m off-world, she’ll probably expect you to swing by at the end of the week to have dinner and chat.” The loose strands of her hair hung silver along tan cheeks, contrasting in all the right ways. “And I think she’ll be lonely. No one’ll be there to harass her or borrow money. What’ll she do?”
This earned a laugh from Phae, but Jasper wasn’t ready to do the same. Instead, he hummed a short sound of acknowledgment followed by a simple, “Maybe.”
“You sure you’re okay? I feel like you’re upset with me.” There it was. That accusation couldn’t be farther from the truth. If anything, he was upset with himself.
The silence had gone from a comfortable one to a strangling weight that compressed around his chest. Anxiety aside, there was a pain of another variety rearing its ugly head, squeezing his heart with emotional tremors. It took reminding himself again and again it wasn’t something to dread, and only then did he find the words to inquire, “What about you? Won’t you be lonely?”
“I guess.” Phae gripped the cuffs of her sleeves to tug them further. “I mean, yes. I don’t know how to avoid that, but I can only think about how far I’m going to be.” With a sigh, she went on to explain, “And like I said, my mom will be alone. I don’t really want her to be alone. If it was reasonable, I’d take her with me and we’d live in Centa Arc together… but you know as well as I do she won’t budge. I don’t know why but she’s committed to keeping close to the Euphrates but we’re about as close as we can be right here.”
“I mean, Zhato Orrick would be close as well, but yeah. I get your point.” Jasper’s brow furrowed, his features tightening in concern. “I’m not going to abandon your mom but I still wanna know about you. If you’re going alone, do you think you’ll be okay? Safe? Is this contract legit? I can have my dad give it a look if you need someone to verify the authenticity. He’ll be back from his port station in a couple of weeks-”
“I leave in three days.”
Jasper’s heart sank. The tightness in his stomach was dragging him down, slumping his back until he was left with one hand haphazardly palming the steering wheel. The other tended to his hair, raking dark locks back from his features.
“I know, right? Short notice.” Phae laughed but it remained humorless. “I should’ve said something sooner.”
“Phae…”
“No, no. I get it. Like, my mom lectured me on it all yesterday. She thinks 23 is too young, but it’s hard to reason with someone who lives 300 years.”
His tongue was lead. His body hadn’t fully realized he was in shock, but it likely wouldn’t have changed their course if it had. Along the dark road they continued, the only vehicle for what seemed like miles.
“Plus, I’ve been busting my ass to get a contract like this. Everyone knows that. Just because this one is short notice doesn’t mean it’s not worth taking. It could be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for all I know. I just don’t want to lose this chance. If it doesn’t work out, at least I can say I tried. I’ll do my best. I’ll just…” she trailed off with a soft huff. “Yeah. I’m sorry. I really didn’t know until last weekend.”
“It’s cool, Phae. I get it.”
But he didn’t get it. Not really. Not the part where she would be leaving for who knew how long. He got the rest just fine. The contract, the opportunity, the chance to excel. Phae had always wanted to catch an apprenticeship. Better than that, she wanted to work for the Corps on Titus. What better way to get there than apprenticing with the Legion? All roads led off-world. All paths sent her traveling through space.
Far, far away.
“It’s not like I won’t be able to come home or anything. I bet I can come back every couple of months.”
Jasper nodded once, deadpan. Whatever misery was eating his insides had been banished from the conversation for the time being. In the distance, the horizon began bleeding the lights of the city, the dome outlined by countless points of illumination from the contained buildings and streets. For as long as he had known Phae, they had been attached to the Euphrates, both city and orbiting station citizens. When Phae’s mom moved them down to planetside, it was only a matter of time before his parents followed suit. Neighbors, friends, schoolmates. The idea of Phae leaving was almost too much for him to comprehend.
He had other close friends, sure. Other interests. Other girls to break his heart. Other part-time alcoholics to drive home. He had plenty to keep him busy. Why did this seem like the end of everything?
“We’re almost there. Better decide if you wanna slum downtown at my place or if you’re awake enough to make it home.”
“I’ll head home.”
The rest of the ride was in silence. They received a scan from the perimeter check as they passed through the gates to Euphrates but nothing came of it. No patrols flagged them down for a monthly quota. As if the two were invisible, they rode straight through the outskirts of the city without so much as a traffic light to stop them. Only when they reached Phae’s apartment complex did Jasper slow down, and when they parked and the drive was over, he managed a nod at Phae.
“Hey, don’t be sad, okay? I’ll be back.” Phae perked up in her seat, figure straightening so she could get ready to get out. “I’m sure you’re gonna be busy with all the job offers you’re going to get, but if you do get busy, promise you’ll take time off when I’m back in town. That way, we can schedule a meet-up or whatever. Get the gang together again.”
Time wasn’t on his side, but he couldn’t bring himself to say more than he had. It hurt. Everything hurt.
What hurt most was knowing Phae was excited to leave. He could see it in her face, the bright smile she offered him as she finished speaking. It was stupid and selfish, he knew, but he couldn’t help feeling slighted by her happiness. What about him? What about his happiness? What about what they had?
Deep down, he knew better. Deep deep down, beneath all the pain, he was happy for her. Better yet, he was proud of her. She was doing it.
But he didn’t say that.
He didn’t say anything worth saying.
Jasper brought a hand up and nudged Phae’s cheek with his knuckles, a gentle jab.
“Call me when you get to Douzoida, okay? I wanna hear how the trip was.”
“Yeah,” she replied quietly. Her gaze was hooded, cast downward at her lap. “Yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks for the ride, Jas. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
You’ll find out soon enough, he thought. Same for me. Gonna know soon enough what it’ll be like without you.
“Nah. Hang in there. You got this.”
Making a shooing motion, he waved her on her way and she took the hint, exiting the vehicle. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it as she walked to the steps of the building. When she turned and waved, he waved back. Then, with a deep inhale of smoke, Jasper pulled away from the curb and drove on through the night.
Hang in there, Jasper. You got this.
BDRP Admin. Writer. Villain. Personal Blog.
I tried running from the memory and the mourning.
I tried running from the memory and the mourning.
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