[spoiler]<o1 Fetish>
“I don’t know what I saw.” Kade blinked dark lashes at the councilor, a tinge of pain behind her cobalt hues. The blond was at a crossroads, unsure of what was safe to share and what simply required silence in the wake of recent events. Even now, the evaluation was in full swing, the steady gaze of the ‘trusted guardian’ present weighing heavily on her psyche. Biting her bottom lip, she felt her gaze lower towards clenched hands in her lap; their knuckles white from constant wringing. “It wasn’t anything. I know that now. I wish you’d believe me when I tell you that.” But every word she whispered was hopeless in the sea of otherwise silent white room, like she had fallen down the rabbit hole towards a darker, more real incarnation of Wonderland. A personal Hell where the unwanted roamed in medicated droves, intricately weaving their way toward self afflicted madness.
“I believe you saw something.” A smile passed over the Doctor’s lips, tight and inviting like the open arms of a loved one. “But I can’t help until I know the details.” In his lap rest the open folder that told nothing but lies, her case file with letter block print declaring her mentally unstable. She couldn’t help glancing it over every time she could, private glimpses into what was considered legally binding proof she belonged in this asylum vice elsewhere. No home to go to, no family to argue on her behalf; Kade was utterly alone in the struggle to keep her head above water. Small blurbs had been added to the sides of the spread sheets within the manila confines, hand written by examining psychiatrists and ‘experts’ in the mental health field. Little stabs at whatever remained of the woman’s damaged pride.
‘Even after months of therapy, the patient refuses to speak with the staff. Every day she seems to distance herself further from reality. Patient may prove to be harmful to herself and others if left untreated.’
“Doctor Arden, please believe me, I’m not crazy! I didn’t see whatever I said I saw, and I don’t remember any of the details. I must’ve had an episode of some kind. Please, please believe me.” A stammer came in hiccup fashion as Kade tried to articulate her pleas. Nothing had changed in these months, and as they drilled her over and over to recall the more intimate details of her ‘incident’, little had been discovered besides what had been initially documented. Around and around the questioning went, and the devoted scientific minds of the center were determined to unravel whatever mystery Kade continued to keep to herself – but as honest as she was then, the girl had stuck to her story. She didn’t remember what had happened and she couldn’t explain what had caused whatever private nightmare she was responsible for. The whole incident was a missing film reel and Kade didn’t have the courage to delve deeper to uncover whatever strange scenes had occurred.
“Well, maybe tomorrow we’ll make some progress.” Dr. Arden checked his watch before rising from his seat with paperwork in hand. A sigh escaped the taller individual before he turned from his patient and made for the door, a towering shadow falling along the tile floor Kade took to following behind. At first, she had felt shame at the end of their meetings, having never been able to provide for the Doctor what he really wanted to hear - but after so many sessions in monotonous fashion, the girl simply couldn’t bother caring. Instead she was silent and thoughtful, mulling over whatever lingering doubts occupied that enigma of a mind everyone seemed so curious over.
The door opened with a soft click and the doctor paused to let Kade pass through the archway before exiting with. Kade heard the lock behind her as she stepped away, off towards the pale tones of the activity room where most of the other patients spent their time. It was there the pair parted ways, the doctor off to gossip with the other faculty members present while Kade found a quiet place in the back. Far from the tiny television that played the basic networks, and farther yet from the board games and other childish activities, Kade came to rest in a beat up recliner near the massive windows.
It was easy to ignore the bars over the glass at this point, because this quiet retreat from questioning proved relaxing even with the inevitable lack of escape. Removing a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket before she settled in, Kade fumbled for a lighter and stared vacantly towards the greenery and well kept lawn of the grounds, imagining the warmth of sunlight against her skin. Sometimes the asylum was reminiscent to rehab, where the staff would be friendly or supportive one minute while still trying to uphold the rules. Other times, it was easier to get away with the simple things, like smoking inside. According to one orderly, Kade had cried for hours when she was told she couldn’t smoke, and after the incessant tantruming she provided as incentive, she had been given a free pass. So, Kade smoked and others did as well when she was around, which was as close to comradery as the girl got.
Now though, she remained alone with gray plumes vacating the caved seat she occupied. A slender woman of 23 didn’t bother addressing the other residents, instead gripping the filter of her bogey with one set of digits while the other toyed with her golden locks. These were stress related habits, to ease her tension about this entire charade of a situation. How the fuck did she end up here? If Kade knew, would she be better off than she was then, oblivious and medicated? Azure oculars slowly scanned to the left before she sank entirely into the recliner with a groan. “I’m not crazy.” There was no words, just the mouthed statement to accompany the exasperation her life seemed to breed.
Kade didn’t deserve this place, and if it wasn’t obvious, the institute didn’t deserve to be stuck with Kade.
[/spoiler]
“I don’t know what I saw.” Kade blinked dark lashes at the councilor, a tinge of pain behind her cobalt hues. The blond was at a crossroads, unsure of what was safe to share and what simply required silence in the wake of recent events. Even now, the evaluation was in full swing, the steady gaze of the ‘trusted guardian’ present weighing heavily on her psyche. Biting her bottom lip, she felt her gaze lower towards clenched hands in her lap; their knuckles white from constant wringing. “It wasn’t anything. I know that now. I wish you’d believe me when I tell you that.” But every word she whispered was hopeless in the sea of otherwise silent white room, like she had fallen down the rabbit hole towards a darker, more real incarnation of Wonderland. A personal Hell where the unwanted roamed in medicated droves, intricately weaving their way toward self afflicted madness.
“I believe you saw something.” A smile passed over the Doctor’s lips, tight and inviting like the open arms of a loved one. “But I can’t help until I know the details.” In his lap rest the open folder that told nothing but lies, her case file with letter block print declaring her mentally unstable. She couldn’t help glancing it over every time she could, private glimpses into what was considered legally binding proof she belonged in this asylum vice elsewhere. No home to go to, no family to argue on her behalf; Kade was utterly alone in the struggle to keep her head above water. Small blurbs had been added to the sides of the spread sheets within the manila confines, hand written by examining psychiatrists and ‘experts’ in the mental health field. Little stabs at whatever remained of the woman’s damaged pride.
‘Even after months of therapy, the patient refuses to speak with the staff. Every day she seems to distance herself further from reality. Patient may prove to be harmful to herself and others if left untreated.’
“Doctor Arden, please believe me, I’m not crazy! I didn’t see whatever I said I saw, and I don’t remember any of the details. I must’ve had an episode of some kind. Please, please believe me.” A stammer came in hiccup fashion as Kade tried to articulate her pleas. Nothing had changed in these months, and as they drilled her over and over to recall the more intimate details of her ‘incident’, little had been discovered besides what had been initially documented. Around and around the questioning went, and the devoted scientific minds of the center were determined to unravel whatever mystery Kade continued to keep to herself – but as honest as she was then, the girl had stuck to her story. She didn’t remember what had happened and she couldn’t explain what had caused whatever private nightmare she was responsible for. The whole incident was a missing film reel and Kade didn’t have the courage to delve deeper to uncover whatever strange scenes had occurred.
“Well, maybe tomorrow we’ll make some progress.” Dr. Arden checked his watch before rising from his seat with paperwork in hand. A sigh escaped the taller individual before he turned from his patient and made for the door, a towering shadow falling along the tile floor Kade took to following behind. At first, she had felt shame at the end of their meetings, having never been able to provide for the Doctor what he really wanted to hear - but after so many sessions in monotonous fashion, the girl simply couldn’t bother caring. Instead she was silent and thoughtful, mulling over whatever lingering doubts occupied that enigma of a mind everyone seemed so curious over.
The door opened with a soft click and the doctor paused to let Kade pass through the archway before exiting with. Kade heard the lock behind her as she stepped away, off towards the pale tones of the activity room where most of the other patients spent their time. It was there the pair parted ways, the doctor off to gossip with the other faculty members present while Kade found a quiet place in the back. Far from the tiny television that played the basic networks, and farther yet from the board games and other childish activities, Kade came to rest in a beat up recliner near the massive windows.
It was easy to ignore the bars over the glass at this point, because this quiet retreat from questioning proved relaxing even with the inevitable lack of escape. Removing a pack of cigarettes from her back pocket before she settled in, Kade fumbled for a lighter and stared vacantly towards the greenery and well kept lawn of the grounds, imagining the warmth of sunlight against her skin. Sometimes the asylum was reminiscent to rehab, where the staff would be friendly or supportive one minute while still trying to uphold the rules. Other times, it was easier to get away with the simple things, like smoking inside. According to one orderly, Kade had cried for hours when she was told she couldn’t smoke, and after the incessant tantruming she provided as incentive, she had been given a free pass. So, Kade smoked and others did as well when she was around, which was as close to comradery as the girl got.
Now though, she remained alone with gray plumes vacating the caved seat she occupied. A slender woman of 23 didn’t bother addressing the other residents, instead gripping the filter of her bogey with one set of digits while the other toyed with her golden locks. These were stress related habits, to ease her tension about this entire charade of a situation. How the fuck did she end up here? If Kade knew, would she be better off than she was then, oblivious and medicated? Azure oculars slowly scanned to the left before she sank entirely into the recliner with a groan. “I’m not crazy.” There was no words, just the mouthed statement to accompany the exasperation her life seemed to breed.
Kade didn’t deserve this place, and if it wasn’t obvious, the institute didn’t deserve to be stuck with Kade.
[/spoiler]
BDRP Admin. Writer. Villain. Personal Blog.
I tried running from the memory and the mourning.
I tried running from the memory and the mourning.