Life
She said from the beginning, "Adam, you were a mistake", and that's a hard thing to swallow, harder than a smile to fake,
And with the backlash of those words I find I'm trapped in a mental booth, the fact that I'm not meant to be, could this be the truth?
But if there's validity in that statement then why am I here right now? My heartbeat's strong as ever, though silently it pounds,
Time back to where I was a child learning everything about the world, all I was saw was the light, but then the darker things unfurled
But at an early age I was exposed to evil that lay in human nature, and this curse called lady lust, and the reason we all hate her
She captured my father and then trapped him with a harlot, I thought of her like a creature, but I'm sure her blood was scarlet
That poison on her lips, like she had him under her spell, this deadly deviant succubus, from the second circle of Hell
And my mother was left behind engulfed with pain and sorrow, and in my song of strife I wished for a better life tomorrow
But that day never came and nothing ever was the same, I used to be a child of goodness 'till I received this receipt of pain
Yes I know that it changed me, understand that, I agree, it's time I embraced the bitter truth I was that child, this is me.
Fast forward to the next chapter of my captors, or my capture, that created a stress fracture in a stoic, stone-like stature
In my hindsight I have stumbled, perhaps I have even crumbled, and my dad he made have fumbled when he attempted to make me humbled
And the coercive reaction wasn't something of his favor, I learned in my early years that music was my only savior
It calmed my nerves and left me in a state better known as peace, and I stayed here wondering when this emotional python would release
Its coils have me tightly and I find I'm struggling to breathe, even if they haven't died I feel that I have been bereaved
And at that moment I turned rotten, I was nothing left but trouble, and this foundation we have laid was nothing left but rubble
I found my home in the principle's office, this is where I stayed, everyday was another trip, but my punishments were paid
Moved to a different school, man I lost a lot of people, I was left with myself, but one and one is equal
And I found that perhaps solitude was the one thing I could have, and with this one thing I was satisfied, now I ask you, is this bad?
That I would rather be by myself and grow up on my own, than try to get along with and love the people in my home
Now fast forward even farther in my life and how I've scarred her, and for happiness I have bartered, now I'm trying even harder
Creating an installation and being the commander of the station, now I've safeguarded my thoughts, and my past is the invasion
And I know that in every song I seem to be making the same points, but my heart and brain are connected, I have to stress the joints
And I know in another song I said that I was undergoing trials, but I'd rather face reality than fake happiness with denial
But wait, we're speaking of my childhood and even my adolescence, the spark that started a fire of a people-hating essence
That burned deeply and I know this, I even came to embrace it, my father said this family is proud, you'd better not disgrace it
So all the way through school I tried to be a better person, meanwhile staple to my stability which I found would always worsen
Eventually I was never good enough, I knew this, and I hated it, hated the idea of ending my life, but sometimes I debated it
Isn't that so fucked up? I'd be a model to hypocrisy, so I kept my emotions on standby, mostly held them down in lock and key
'Till eventually they'd burst and leave me crippled in a breakdown, just thinking about the anxiety is something that makes me shake now
So who am I right now? Have I come anywhere since then? When I pour my passion into music, this is when I reach my zen
To say everything is bad, well I'd be a little bit misled, we all have to make our sacrifices, remember the times where we have bled
And all that effort, it isn't wasted, despite what you may think, and through your failures you are here, now take a second and let that sink
Each of us has a purpose, though some of them may be hiding, and this goes out to anyone listening, in you I am confiding
But I want you to know this isn't easy, in many ways it is difficult, I have to convince myself we are the same, yes, even reciprocals
Out of my school and into enlistment, even I didn't know what this meant, my soul is so bent and my life may be spent, yo I swear I need an assistant
Even when I return home I feel that I am all alone, I have such great distrust in people, and I'm sure that this has shown
But I think my job and my music are two things that must be separate, at the end of the day I must hold my tongue, lest I sound desperate
Happiness is a good thing, but its definition is subjective, but I don't see myself finding it, have I been lost in my perspective?
This is a song from my past to my present, read it in bits, or read it incessant, it's hard to be incandescent when you're constantly convalescent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOl6Edzd9CE
She said from the beginning, "Adam, you were a mistake", and that's a hard thing to swallow, harder than a smile to fake,
And with the backlash of those words I find I'm trapped in a mental booth, the fact that I'm not meant to be, could this be the truth?
But if there's validity in that statement then why am I here right now? My heartbeat's strong as ever, though silently it pounds,
Time back to where I was a child learning everything about the world, all I was saw was the light, but then the darker things unfurled
But at an early age I was exposed to evil that lay in human nature, and this curse called lady lust, and the reason we all hate her
She captured my father and then trapped him with a harlot, I thought of her like a creature, but I'm sure her blood was scarlet
That poison on her lips, like she had him under her spell, this deadly deviant succubus, from the second circle of Hell
And my mother was left behind engulfed with pain and sorrow, and in my song of strife I wished for a better life tomorrow
But that day never came and nothing ever was the same, I used to be a child of goodness 'till I received this receipt of pain
Yes I know that it changed me, understand that, I agree, it's time I embraced the bitter truth I was that child, this is me.
Fast forward to the next chapter of my captors, or my capture, that created a stress fracture in a stoic, stone-like stature
In my hindsight I have stumbled, perhaps I have even crumbled, and my dad he made have fumbled when he attempted to make me humbled
And the coercive reaction wasn't something of his favor, I learned in my early years that music was my only savior
It calmed my nerves and left me in a state better known as peace, and I stayed here wondering when this emotional python would release
Its coils have me tightly and I find I'm struggling to breathe, even if they haven't died I feel that I have been bereaved
And at that moment I turned rotten, I was nothing left but trouble, and this foundation we have laid was nothing left but rubble
I found my home in the principle's office, this is where I stayed, everyday was another trip, but my punishments were paid
Moved to a different school, man I lost a lot of people, I was left with myself, but one and one is equal
And I found that perhaps solitude was the one thing I could have, and with this one thing I was satisfied, now I ask you, is this bad?
That I would rather be by myself and grow up on my own, than try to get along with and love the people in my home
Now fast forward even farther in my life and how I've scarred her, and for happiness I have bartered, now I'm trying even harder
Creating an installation and being the commander of the station, now I've safeguarded my thoughts, and my past is the invasion
And I know that in every song I seem to be making the same points, but my heart and brain are connected, I have to stress the joints
And I know in another song I said that I was undergoing trials, but I'd rather face reality than fake happiness with denial
But wait, we're speaking of my childhood and even my adolescence, the spark that started a fire of a people-hating essence
That burned deeply and I know this, I even came to embrace it, my father said this family is proud, you'd better not disgrace it
So all the way through school I tried to be a better person, meanwhile staple to my stability which I found would always worsen
Eventually I was never good enough, I knew this, and I hated it, hated the idea of ending my life, but sometimes I debated it
Isn't that so fucked up? I'd be a model to hypocrisy, so I kept my emotions on standby, mostly held them down in lock and key
'Till eventually they'd burst and leave me crippled in a breakdown, just thinking about the anxiety is something that makes me shake now
So who am I right now? Have I come anywhere since then? When I pour my passion into music, this is when I reach my zen
To say everything is bad, well I'd be a little bit misled, we all have to make our sacrifices, remember the times where we have bled
And all that effort, it isn't wasted, despite what you may think, and through your failures you are here, now take a second and let that sink
Each of us has a purpose, though some of them may be hiding, and this goes out to anyone listening, in you I am confiding
But I want you to know this isn't easy, in many ways it is difficult, I have to convince myself we are the same, yes, even reciprocals
Out of my school and into enlistment, even I didn't know what this meant, my soul is so bent and my life may be spent, yo I swear I need an assistant
Even when I return home I feel that I am all alone, I have such great distrust in people, and I'm sure that this has shown
But I think my job and my music are two things that must be separate, at the end of the day I must hold my tongue, lest I sound desperate
Happiness is a good thing, but its definition is subjective, but I don't see myself finding it, have I been lost in my perspective?
This is a song from my past to my present, read it in bits, or read it incessant, it's hard to be incandescent when you're constantly convalescent.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOl6Edzd9CE
Forever?
Oh, my darling,
If only you could see what war has done to me.
Oh, my darling,
If only you could see what war has done to me.
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