"I... I just, uh..." She couldn't think of anything on the subject of him apologizing or not that wouldn't be terribly rude. "I guess I jus' didn't expect it," she admitted. "Because I'm not used to authority figures--or anyone, actually, now that I think about it--doin' that." She rubbed her head, actually managing to look a bit sheepish. "I thought a lot o' things were a certain way, an' I've only jus' learned they're not, an' it's takin' me a lot of catchin' up."
She decided, right then, that some secrets were fine to keep, and that she wouldn't be informing the King she'd actually been on her way out of the country, her trip to Gareth's the result of a persistent, nagging desire to think the best of him. No point dwelling on how things could have been different, whether it was on the subject of her orphaning or on the subject of what might have happened if she hadn't been there to pull the sword out of Gareth. She was going to have enough nightmares as it was.
"The rats were on purpose," she apologized. "I thought you were plannin' on eatin' me, thanks to Colin, so I was hopin' to cause as much of a distraction as I could. That makes sense though. The rats proly would freak out if I died, especially if Tim or Phoebe were still around," she mused. "That's not important," she decided. Well, it wasn't important yet, anyway. "I'm glad the bird got here. I can fix it, it's just set to follow you th' fuck around right now, since I didn't wanna risk it gettin' lost or intercepted. That was actually supposed to be tribute," she added with a snort. "Remember, I mentioned I'd been workin' on tribute, before? That's th' lil bugger. I made it for you. It needs sunlight, though, it'll wind down if y'leave it in a box. Originally, it was jus' supposed to be pretty--flitter around 'n' sing birdsong--it'll learn new songs if y'leave it out in th' garden around other birds by the way--an' that kinda shit. I jus' had to modify it to hone in since I thought Colin was interceptin' Gareth's pigeons, hence th--I'm ramblin'. Sorry. Long day."
His last words gave her pause. Long, thoughtful pause. "...Yeah," she said, finally, eyes a bit distant and narrowed as she worked this out for herself for, apparently, the first time. "He told me I was hopeless an' Gareth said I acted like I wanted to hang, though I jus' recently learned he meant he thought I wanted to invoke th' friggin' suicide clause that's in th' contract I never knew about, an' you said I was almost hopeless, but..." She placed her face firmly in her hands. "That. Was because I was actin' like a shithead, right, despite supposedly bein' dragged away from certain death an' then given what was supposed t'be a warm house an' plenty o' food an' stimulation." With a groan, she flopped back onto the bed. "I. Fuckin'. Hate. Colin. So. Much. I'm so fuckin' glad you ate him. I bet he tasted fuckin' terrible. I don't even have any fuckin' candy on me."
She rubbed her face again. She should sit up, but she didn't want to. A lot of tension was draining out of her all at once, and she found she wanted absolutely nothing else more than she wanted a nap. It could wait, however. Instead, she forced herself to sit up. "So y'don't wanna eat me," she said again, to be absolutely sure. "In th' literal sense, anyway. In the other sense..." She tiled her head to the side, considering. "Before, y'said y'wanted me because I'd been given to you. It was th' principle of th' thing. Is that it?" She was sure this seemed like a rather petulant question, but its poignancy would make itself known soon enough. "If it turned out I'd never been given t'you in th' first place, would that be the end o' that?"
She decided, right then, that some secrets were fine to keep, and that she wouldn't be informing the King she'd actually been on her way out of the country, her trip to Gareth's the result of a persistent, nagging desire to think the best of him. No point dwelling on how things could have been different, whether it was on the subject of her orphaning or on the subject of what might have happened if she hadn't been there to pull the sword out of Gareth. She was going to have enough nightmares as it was.
"The rats were on purpose," she apologized. "I thought you were plannin' on eatin' me, thanks to Colin, so I was hopin' to cause as much of a distraction as I could. That makes sense though. The rats proly would freak out if I died, especially if Tim or Phoebe were still around," she mused. "That's not important," she decided. Well, it wasn't important yet, anyway. "I'm glad the bird got here. I can fix it, it's just set to follow you th' fuck around right now, since I didn't wanna risk it gettin' lost or intercepted. That was actually supposed to be tribute," she added with a snort. "Remember, I mentioned I'd been workin' on tribute, before? That's th' lil bugger. I made it for you. It needs sunlight, though, it'll wind down if y'leave it in a box. Originally, it was jus' supposed to be pretty--flitter around 'n' sing birdsong--it'll learn new songs if y'leave it out in th' garden around other birds by the way--an' that kinda shit. I jus' had to modify it to hone in since I thought Colin was interceptin' Gareth's pigeons, hence th--I'm ramblin'. Sorry. Long day."
His last words gave her pause. Long, thoughtful pause. "...Yeah," she said, finally, eyes a bit distant and narrowed as she worked this out for herself for, apparently, the first time. "He told me I was hopeless an' Gareth said I acted like I wanted to hang, though I jus' recently learned he meant he thought I wanted to invoke th' friggin' suicide clause that's in th' contract I never knew about, an' you said I was almost hopeless, but..." She placed her face firmly in her hands. "That. Was because I was actin' like a shithead, right, despite supposedly bein' dragged away from certain death an' then given what was supposed t'be a warm house an' plenty o' food an' stimulation." With a groan, she flopped back onto the bed. "I. Fuckin'. Hate. Colin. So. Much. I'm so fuckin' glad you ate him. I bet he tasted fuckin' terrible. I don't even have any fuckin' candy on me."
She rubbed her face again. She should sit up, but she didn't want to. A lot of tension was draining out of her all at once, and she found she wanted absolutely nothing else more than she wanted a nap. It could wait, however. Instead, she forced herself to sit up. "So y'don't wanna eat me," she said again, to be absolutely sure. "In th' literal sense, anyway. In the other sense..." She tiled her head to the side, considering. "Before, y'said y'wanted me because I'd been given to you. It was th' principle of th' thing. Is that it?" She was sure this seemed like a rather petulant question, but its poignancy would make itself known soon enough. "If it turned out I'd never been given t'you in th' first place, would that be the end o' that?"
The following 2 users Like SolitareLee's post: liarliaronapyre, Tindome
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Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 11:13 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 12:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 01:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 02:24 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 03:02 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 03:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 05:22 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 10:06 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 10:47 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 02:41 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 06:36 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 08:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 09:16 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 09:34 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 10:05 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 10:54 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 11:10 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 11:46 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 12:01 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 12:55 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 01:15 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 02:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 02:56 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 03:25 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 03:40 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 04:10 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 04:37 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 11:14 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 12:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 04:36 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 07:06 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 10:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 11:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 11:44 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 12:07 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 01:06 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 01:32 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 02:02 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 02:30 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 01:15 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 01:42 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 02:22 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 02:58 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 06:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 07:34 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 08:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 09:01 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 10:01 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 10:53 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 11:23 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 12:51 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 02:21 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 02:39 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-05-2019, 03:15 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-05-2019, 03:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-06-2019, 05:29 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-06-2019, 08:02 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-07-2019, 11:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-07-2019, 02:09 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-08-2019, 05:17 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-08-2019, 07:28 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-08-2019, 08:12 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-08-2019, 08:58 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-08-2019, 02:13 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-08-2019, 06:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 05:45 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 07:23 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 08:28 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 09:04 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 09:35 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 09:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 11:59 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 12:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 01:25 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 01:52 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-10-2019, 12:42 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-10-2019, 01:18 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-11-2019, 07:35 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-11-2019, 08:23 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-11-2019, 10:52 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-11-2019, 11:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-11-2019, 11:58 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-12-2019, 12:39 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-12-2019, 04:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-12-2019, 05:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-13-2019, 09:54 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-13-2019, 10:14 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-13-2019, 02:46 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-13-2019, 03:00 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-14-2019, 10:58 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-14-2019, 11:19 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-14-2019, 12:50 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-14-2019, 01:13 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-14-2019, 03:57 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-14-2019, 04:21 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-15-2019, 02:42 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-15-2019, 03:17 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-16-2019, 11:18 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-16-2019, 11:42 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-18-2019, 03:08 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-18-2019, 03:28 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-19-2019, 03:17 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-19-2019, 03:47 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-20-2019, 11:26 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-20-2019, 11:50 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-20-2019, 01:25 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-20-2019, 01:58 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-20-2019, 05:13 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-20-2019, 05:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-21-2019, 01:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-21-2019, 01:52 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-25-2019, 02:38 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-25-2019, 02:54 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-27-2019, 01:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-27-2019, 02:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 01:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 01:36 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 09:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 10:28 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 11:27 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 11:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 03:16 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 03:52 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 03:06 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 03:26 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 05:59 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 06:39 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 07:26 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 09:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 02:49 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 03:06 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 03:51 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 04:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 04:45 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 05:40 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 07:37 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 07:56 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 09:45 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 11:03 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 01:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 01:43 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-01-2020, 01:56 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-01-2020, 02:12 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-02-2020, 01:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-02-2020, 01:51 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-02-2020, 02:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-02-2020, 02:40 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-02-2020, 03:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-02-2020, 03:45 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-03-2020, 06:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-03-2020, 07:03 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-03-2020, 08:21 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-03-2020, 11:15 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-03-2020, 12:39 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-03-2020, 12:58 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-05-2020, 10:59 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-05-2020, 11:10 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-05-2020, 03:04 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-05-2020, 03:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-31-2020, 11:34 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-31-2020, 03:27 PM