"No no no no no no no no no, don't, don't—" He curled up and pressed his hands over his ears, the hole in his chest throbbing a rhythm of pain. He tasted bile and blood, hand over his mouth as he convulsed once before swallowing it back.
"Don't say that," he managed. "Don't ever say that, we don't—we don't say that. Not ever, don't ever."
He thought about all the things cut through inside him, all the blood no longer circulating, all the parts that might be shutting down. He tried to figure out which parts hurt worst. He didn't think about it, he didn't think about it—
A giggle escaped him. "Oh, he—he must have been so frustrated. When you didn't find a way to kill me yourself." Because that was what happened when you treated people this way, wasn't it? The ones in charge died. Colin might not know the truth—no one knew, would ever know, he'd buried it so far he barely remembered it himself sometimes—but he knew enough. And Gareth knew what Ranulf had gone into exile believing.
"You never deserved that," he croaked. "Monsters don't deserve that."
"I should have realized. When I saw you were in the old wing. He said you were being anti-social, starting fights. I got reports when you'd been sent to your room. Sometimes. Not all the time. I would have done something if. If I'd thought it was all the time."
How many times had she complained of boredom, of never being allowed to do anything? But she'd said he never let her do anything, and so it had felt... plausible. That she wasn't interested in safe hobbies or getting to know the rest of the King's Guard. That she was just upset that when she acted out she got sent back to her quarters to calm down.
That it was her own fault.
He'd told her it was her own fault.
"Ren."
"Don't say that," he managed. "Don't ever say that, we don't—we don't say that. Not ever, don't ever."
He thought about all the things cut through inside him, all the blood no longer circulating, all the parts that might be shutting down. He tried to figure out which parts hurt worst. He didn't think about it, he didn't think about it—
A giggle escaped him. "Oh, he—he must have been so frustrated. When you didn't find a way to kill me yourself." Because that was what happened when you treated people this way, wasn't it? The ones in charge died. Colin might not know the truth—no one knew, would ever know, he'd buried it so far he barely remembered it himself sometimes—but he knew enough. And Gareth knew what Ranulf had gone into exile believing.
"You never deserved that," he croaked. "Monsters don't deserve that."
"I should have realized. When I saw you were in the old wing. He said you were being anti-social, starting fights. I got reports when you'd been sent to your room. Sometimes. Not all the time. I would have done something if. If I'd thought it was all the time."
How many times had she complained of boredom, of never being allowed to do anything? But she'd said he never let her do anything, and so it had felt... plausible. That she wasn't interested in safe hobbies or getting to know the rest of the King's Guard. That she was just upset that when she acted out she got sent back to her quarters to calm down.
That it was her own fault.
He'd told her it was her own fault.
"Ren."
The following 2 users Like Tindome's post: liarliaronapyre, SolitareLee
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Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 11:13 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 12:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 01:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 02:24 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 03:02 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 03:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 05:22 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-01-2019, 10:06 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-01-2019, 10:47 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 02:41 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 06:36 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 08:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 09:16 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 09:34 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 10:05 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 10:54 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 11:10 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 11:46 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 12:01 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 12:55 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 01:15 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 02:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 02:56 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 03:25 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 03:40 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 04:10 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-02-2019, 04:37 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-02-2019, 11:14 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 12:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 04:36 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 07:06 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 10:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 11:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 11:44 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 12:07 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 01:06 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 01:32 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-03-2019, 02:02 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-03-2019, 02:30 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 01:15 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 01:42 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 02:22 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 02:58 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 06:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 07:34 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 08:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 09:01 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 10:01 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 10:53 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 11:23 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 12:51 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-04-2019, 02:21 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-04-2019, 02:39 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-05-2019, 03:15 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-05-2019, 03:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-06-2019, 05:29 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-06-2019, 08:02 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-07-2019, 11:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-07-2019, 02:09 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-08-2019, 05:17 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-08-2019, 07:28 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-08-2019, 08:12 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-08-2019, 08:58 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-08-2019, 02:13 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-08-2019, 06:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 05:45 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 07:23 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 08:28 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 09:04 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 09:35 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 09:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 11:59 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 12:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-09-2019, 01:25 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-09-2019, 01:52 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-10-2019, 12:42 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-10-2019, 01:18 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-11-2019, 07:35 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-11-2019, 08:23 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-11-2019, 10:52 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-11-2019, 11:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-11-2019, 11:58 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-12-2019, 12:39 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-12-2019, 04:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-12-2019, 05:33 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-13-2019, 09:54 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-13-2019, 10:14 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-13-2019, 02:46 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-13-2019, 03:00 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-14-2019, 10:58 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-14-2019, 11:19 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-14-2019, 12:50 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-14-2019, 01:13 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-14-2019, 03:57 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-14-2019, 04:21 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-15-2019, 02:42 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-15-2019, 03:17 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-16-2019, 11:18 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-16-2019, 11:42 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-18-2019, 03:08 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-18-2019, 03:28 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-19-2019, 03:17 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-19-2019, 03:47 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-20-2019, 11:26 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-20-2019, 11:50 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-20-2019, 01:25 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-20-2019, 01:58 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-20-2019, 05:13 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-20-2019, 05:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-21-2019, 01:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-21-2019, 01:52 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-25-2019, 02:38 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-25-2019, 02:54 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-27-2019, 01:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-27-2019, 02:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 01:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 01:36 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 09:55 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 10:28 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 11:27 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 11:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-28-2019, 03:16 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-28-2019, 03:52 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 03:06 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 03:26 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 05:59 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 06:39 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 07:26 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 09:11 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 02:49 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 03:06 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-29-2019, 03:51 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-29-2019, 04:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 04:45 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 05:40 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 07:37 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 07:56 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 09:45 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 11:03 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 12-30-2019, 01:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 12-30-2019, 01:43 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-01-2020, 01:56 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-01-2020, 02:12 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-02-2020, 01:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-02-2020, 01:51 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-02-2020, 02:23 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-02-2020, 02:40 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-02-2020, 03:27 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-02-2020, 03:45 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-03-2020, 06:38 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-03-2020, 07:03 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-03-2020, 08:21 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-03-2020, 11:15 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-03-2020, 12:39 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-03-2020, 12:58 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-05-2020, 10:59 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-05-2020, 11:10 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-05-2020, 03:04 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-05-2020, 03:20 PM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by Tindome - 01-31-2020, 11:34 AM
RE: Beg Forgiveness [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 01-31-2020, 03:27 PM