Ren couldn't have looked away. She couldn't have run, either, although credit for that went entirely to Gareth, who had kept her arms pinned to her sides, possibly out of fear that she'd take off again. Or, possibly, for other reasons, reasons that had him running fingers against one of her breasts.
Her mind said the King's words were insane. The staccato beat of her heart, however, gave them credence she couldn't comprehend. She had never known peace, and she had always been running, and she was, perhaps, built for it. Trapped in her cage as she was, she'd run out of places to flee. Hopeless as she was, she'd run out of things to flee from. She was scared of everything and of nothing and especially of that all-consuming nothing taking her over the rest of the way until she could no longer lift her legs to move. Of a day when Gareth told her to stay sick in bed and she agreed and then never got back up to run again.
She had always been running and she had always been afraid and she didn't understand what it was about the cadence of his voice that made her heart skip with want alongside the fear, or if it was all fear, terror the whole way down, and her want was coming from some other place, like the color of his eyes or the planes of his chest or the ghostly memory of long, thin fingers on her neck. She wanted to live, so she should hate this. But she had learned there could be a lot of fun in losing a fight to the right person, thanks to Gareth. She still struggled with that in a lot of ways, but then, they both wanted her to struggle, didn't they? Even Gareth, she had realized, thanks to the King. They needed her to struggle the same way she might need them to make her stop.
She wanted to run and she wanted to be caught and she wanted to pour out all her fight into invincible hands in that pristine moment of terror, all her myriad fears could coalesce on one completely logical, physical fear and when it didn't kill her maybe she'd feel like she couldn't die. She wasn't sure. She wanted to find out why her heart was pounding and her eyes were wide and her legs were squirming, yet she was leaning forward against Gareth's grip, her struggling starting to slip into grinding. She didn't understand herself and she wanted, suddenly, very badly, to be taken apart and put back together and then torn apart again until she understood.
Her breath was starting to come more in pants, blooms of fog in the cold air proving her continued life. She twisted her arms in Gareth's grip in earnest because she wanted to be free and ground herself against his lap because she wanted other things too, a confusing knot of conflicting needs that two seasons in prison hadn't helped untangle.
"I'm fantastic at fightin' the inevitable," she said finally, voice breathy quiet instead of screeching loud. She was thinking about her dull teeth against his neck and his sharp teeth against hers. She was thinking about Gareth behind her and all the wonderful ways he could make her hurt, ways that chased away all the hurt she didn't want.
"I want-- I need--" She didn't know, she didn't have a clue what this feeling was or how to deal with it or if she'd slipped, finally, the rest of the way into madness and this was just how that felt.
Her mind said the King's words were insane. The staccato beat of her heart, however, gave them credence she couldn't comprehend. She had never known peace, and she had always been running, and she was, perhaps, built for it. Trapped in her cage as she was, she'd run out of places to flee. Hopeless as she was, she'd run out of things to flee from. She was scared of everything and of nothing and especially of that all-consuming nothing taking her over the rest of the way until she could no longer lift her legs to move. Of a day when Gareth told her to stay sick in bed and she agreed and then never got back up to run again.
She had always been running and she had always been afraid and she didn't understand what it was about the cadence of his voice that made her heart skip with want alongside the fear, or if it was all fear, terror the whole way down, and her want was coming from some other place, like the color of his eyes or the planes of his chest or the ghostly memory of long, thin fingers on her neck. She wanted to live, so she should hate this. But she had learned there could be a lot of fun in losing a fight to the right person, thanks to Gareth. She still struggled with that in a lot of ways, but then, they both wanted her to struggle, didn't they? Even Gareth, she had realized, thanks to the King. They needed her to struggle the same way she might need them to make her stop.
She wanted to run and she wanted to be caught and she wanted to pour out all her fight into invincible hands in that pristine moment of terror, all her myriad fears could coalesce on one completely logical, physical fear and when it didn't kill her maybe she'd feel like she couldn't die. She wasn't sure. She wanted to find out why her heart was pounding and her eyes were wide and her legs were squirming, yet she was leaning forward against Gareth's grip, her struggling starting to slip into grinding. She didn't understand herself and she wanted, suddenly, very badly, to be taken apart and put back together and then torn apart again until she understood.
Her breath was starting to come more in pants, blooms of fog in the cold air proving her continued life. She twisted her arms in Gareth's grip in earnest because she wanted to be free and ground herself against his lap because she wanted other things too, a confusing knot of conflicting needs that two seasons in prison hadn't helped untangle.
"I'm fantastic at fightin' the inevitable," she said finally, voice breathy quiet instead of screeching loud. She was thinking about her dull teeth against his neck and his sharp teeth against hers. She was thinking about Gareth behind her and all the wonderful ways he could make her hurt, ways that chased away all the hurt she didn't want.
"I want-- I need--" She didn't know, she didn't have a clue what this feeling was or how to deal with it or if she'd slipped, finally, the rest of the way into madness and this was just how that felt.
The following 2 users Like SolitareLee's post: liarliaronapyre, Tindome
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Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 08:34 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 09:03 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-19-2019, 11:24 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 12:43 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-19-2019, 01:16 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 02:26 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-19-2019, 02:55 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 03:51 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-19-2019, 04:28 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 05:12 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-19-2019, 05:42 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-19-2019, 11:21 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 01:03 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 01:47 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 02:41 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 03:15 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 03:41 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 04:23 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 04:53 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 05:48 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 06:09 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 06:41 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 07:03 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 07:28 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 08:11 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 08:39 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 09:01 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 09:53 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 10:14 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 10:47 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 05:41 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 08:32 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 08:48 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 09:36 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 09:53 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 10:24 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-20-2019, 11:05 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-20-2019, 11:45 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 12:02 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 12:39 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 01:15 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 01:51 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 02:16 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 05:47 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 06:13 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 07:08 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 08:01 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 09:32 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 10:30 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 11:21 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 11:53 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 12:51 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 01:31 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 02:09 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 02:28 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 03:24 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 05:32 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-21-2019, 10:18 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-21-2019, 10:46 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-22-2019, 03:26 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-22-2019, 03:51 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-22-2019, 11:13 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-22-2019, 11:47 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-22-2019, 02:23 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-22-2019, 03:02 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 03:06 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 03:39 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 04:52 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 05:07 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 05:49 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 06:16 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 06:52 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 07:20 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 09:45 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 10:27 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 12:59 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 01:16 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 02:14 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 02:30 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 02:57 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 03:22 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-23-2019, 10:16 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-23-2019, 10:51 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 03:20 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 03:59 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 10:40 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 10:57 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 11:43 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 11:59 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 02:05 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 02:23 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 02:50 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 03:01 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 03:51 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 04:05 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-24-2019, 04:49 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-24-2019, 05:07 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-25-2019, 04:40 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-25-2019, 05:08 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-25-2019, 09:04 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-25-2019, 09:25 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-25-2019, 10:41 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-25-2019, 11:00 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-25-2019, 01:07 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-25-2019, 01:28 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-25-2019, 05:52 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-25-2019, 06:58 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-26-2019, 02:53 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-26-2019, 03:33 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-26-2019, 07:35 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-26-2019, 08:09 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-26-2019, 09:24 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-26-2019, 10:09 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-26-2019, 12:13 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-26-2019, 12:44 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-26-2019, 02:06 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-26-2019, 02:24 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-28-2019, 06:58 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-28-2019, 07:41 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-28-2019, 08:37 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-28-2019, 08:54 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-28-2019, 12:18 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-28-2019, 12:40 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-29-2019, 01:51 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-29-2019, 02:09 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 06:25 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 06:47 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 08:16 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 08:34 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 12:14 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 12:57 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 01:22 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 01:37 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 02:11 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 02:29 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 03:05 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 03:33 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 03:57 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-30-2019, 04:15 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-30-2019, 10:46 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-31-2019, 02:52 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 10-31-2019, 09:15 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 10-31-2019, 09:33 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 11-05-2019, 09:25 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 11-05-2019, 09:53 AM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 11-05-2019, 01:16 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 11-05-2019, 01:42 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 11-05-2019, 02:13 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 11-05-2019, 02:25 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 11-05-2019, 02:44 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 11-05-2019, 02:54 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 11-05-2019, 03:33 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by SolitareLee - 11-05-2019, 03:48 PM
RE: Beg Mercy [Closed] - by Tindome - 11-05-2019, 04:50 PM