“Not at all,” she argued, still doing her best to focus on their footing—hers. She bit her lower lip, tugging it into her mouth in a fashion that had everything to do with not screwing up. It took quite a bit of focus. Her hand gripped his tighter as a result. “I do not imagine for a moment you came over to say hi simply for the pleasure of speaking to me. That would be ridiculously naive.” She exhaled as if frustrated at her own thoughts. “It’s nice to be spoken to for reasons other than some misguided perspective that it is something of an honor to do so—as if I’m too good to be spoken to or be in the presence of. As if I am a blessed being who cannot manage the idea of someone desiring me.
“It...” she sighed, her mouth forming a wry smile that made her look away. “It is nice to hear someone say that they want me,” she concluded out loud; though she wasn’t certain if her spoken thoughts were for his benefit or more for hers. She’d never been bad conversation of any kind, but this was not something she usually discussed out loud. She was fine with admitting it to herself here, in a place that she did not imagine she would remember. None of this mattered, likely. Like a dream. A lovely one where she could be the person she could never be at home—someone who didn’t have to have all the answers, who didn’t have to solve everyone’s problems, some who...
...It felt nice to just be a beautiful woman—wanted in ways that had nothing to do with how her likeness was attributed to Draco, or how her sister was their people’s champion. It was nice to not be thought of as some kind of goddess who never thought about anything but duty and guidance.
A woman. A real woman with fears, hopes, dreams, and desires of her own.
But then he was looking away, distracted, and she wondered about that as well. Her grip on his hand loosened and she considered forcing him to stop the dance. He’d been very attentive for a while, but she did not know him well enough to say if this was a sign he’d lost interest in her. So, she spoke freely—something she usually did when she did not know what was the matter—if at all. “If you have lost interest, Niyol,” she began, speaking his name directly because she imagined it would serve to regain his focus much better, “it will not offend me for you to say as much.
“Though... it would likely serve us both much better if you were to tell me directly what it is you want to gain from this—me. Then I can tell you if it is favorable to me or not.” Another smile as she met his gaze, trying to hold it. “Then you can move on from this if you so choose.
“I will not be angry with you,” she said the last as softly as anything else, as gently as she would to anyone.
“It...” she sighed, her mouth forming a wry smile that made her look away. “It is nice to hear someone say that they want me,” she concluded out loud; though she wasn’t certain if her spoken thoughts were for his benefit or more for hers. She’d never been bad conversation of any kind, but this was not something she usually discussed out loud. She was fine with admitting it to herself here, in a place that she did not imagine she would remember. None of this mattered, likely. Like a dream. A lovely one where she could be the person she could never be at home—someone who didn’t have to have all the answers, who didn’t have to solve everyone’s problems, some who...
...It felt nice to just be a beautiful woman—wanted in ways that had nothing to do with how her likeness was attributed to Draco, or how her sister was their people’s champion. It was nice to not be thought of as some kind of goddess who never thought about anything but duty and guidance.
A woman. A real woman with fears, hopes, dreams, and desires of her own.
But then he was looking away, distracted, and she wondered about that as well. Her grip on his hand loosened and she considered forcing him to stop the dance. He’d been very attentive for a while, but she did not know him well enough to say if this was a sign he’d lost interest in her. So, she spoke freely—something she usually did when she did not know what was the matter—if at all. “If you have lost interest, Niyol,” she began, speaking his name directly because she imagined it would serve to regain his focus much better, “it will not offend me for you to say as much.
“Though... it would likely serve us both much better if you were to tell me directly what it is you want to gain from this—me. Then I can tell you if it is favorable to me or not.” Another smile as she met his gaze, trying to hold it. “Then you can move on from this if you so choose.
“I will not be angry with you,” she said the last as softly as anything else, as gently as she would to anyone.
Sometimes I feel like a girl~... sometimes I don't~
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